Star Wars Top 5: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

As I said in the previous instalment of this on going series, I am watching once again every Star Wars live action movies, because Rogue One got me really excited to revisit Episode IV being a prequel to that said movie. This is not a regular review since I didn’t want to only have dark thoughts for the next few days. Instead, I am doing a Top 5 of my favorite moments in each films. In this second part, I will review the worst of the worst Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This is not just boring, Lucas wanted to make a romantic comedy with a creepy love story at the center of it. It’s a terrible idea, because Lucas cannot write good dialogue, there is no chemistry between the leads and oh right THIS IS STAR WARS!

1. The Death of Anakin Skywalker’s Mother

This is a pivotal point in Anakin’s storyline, since it’s the first time he turns to the dark side. As a Jedi he is supposed to be a calm and rational being, but instead he lets anger lead his action after his mother’s death. He ends up killing every single Tusken Raiders in the camp where he found his mother. Anakin was scared of losing his mother which we saw in the first film and the fear turned into anger and that lead him to the dark side even for one moment. We get our first glance at Darth Vader, before he becomes again a whiny brat in the next scene. Hayden Christensen’s acting is on point here since he is not talking and we do see his transformation. The only issue I have is that we don’t see him kill the Tusken Raiders which takes away from his power, we only hear him whiny about it.

2. Jedis Are Finally Fighting Together

The battle between the Droids and the Clones is pointless because they are both expendables machines, but what makes it fun is the arrival of the whole Jedi Order. In the Prequel, the Jedi Order is in its prime, they are powerful, so it’s great to see them fight together on the battlefield. The only problem is that there is no teamwork except for Anakin and Obi-Wan, so they look like cool super soldiers. In Episode I and most of this movie, they are still talking, and it’s great to finally see them do something, anything. Since everything is CGI, it doesn’t really feel organic, it all looks choreograph, but since it gives them more leeway, I can get pass it.

3. Jango Fett

I have mix feeling about this character. Since Boba Fett is his clone son, now I know what he looks like under the mask and we see him as a child which I actually hate. It is pointless to have his son there, except to say “Hey isn’t that the guy from the Original trilogy? Why is he there?”. Anyway, when Jango is fight Obi-Wan outside, the action itself is pretty cool since he uses the gadgets in his bag pack. That being said, when he is inside, which is most of the time, he only gives exposition and he is boring and pointless. So, he was not necessary, but his action sequence was still nice to watch.

4. The Zam Wessel Chase

It’s a fun chase sequence that I enjoy for few reasons even though it’s kind of pointless in the story and it’s only there to showcase the new CGI that now feels really dated. I love that we get to see more of Coruscant and this time around during the night. It feels a lot like the nightlife in New York, but with a more alien twist. Compare to other action sequences, this one is well thought out and the editing is clean, quick and exciting. Once in the bar, Obi-Wan does once again his Jedi mind-trick which is for once a nice call back to the Original trilogy and actually a funny exchange. The cars don’t look futuristic or alien to me, but more like they are straight out of a cartoon.

5. The Arena

No jokes, this one is even weaker than the least two, because I am running out of good things to say about this pile of crap. It is fun and somewhat entertaining to see how Anakin, Padmé and Obi-Wan who are strapped to a pole will get out of that situation when there are alien beast attacking them. We can see that Padmé who doesn’t have the Force can still hold on her own and help the other two as well. Here, she is not some damsel in distress that Anakin has to keep safe. Yes it’s obvious that they are in a studio with CGI, but it’s not really annoying, since the characters are distracting us from those effects. And since we care at least about Obi-Wan and maybe about the other two, we are invested in their survival.

So what did you think about Episode II: Attack of the Clones? I believe that nothing, no angle can salvage this piece of shit. The story is still boring, since people are still sitting in semi-circle and talking, but Lucas decided that he wanted to do a British romantic comedy IN SPACE. The dialogue is at its worst, the special effects have become dated and I had a hard time finding 5 good things about this movie. So I give up. I hate this movie, period!

GRADE: E

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